The Fool is still a Fool

Confession of a fool.

Being in my second masters program at age of 30 in a music schools, I wonder how these circumstances have influenced me. First of all, there are very few people of my same age. I used to complain that older people did not take me seriously when I was younger, however I fear that I am doing to same thing, not taking younger people seriously. Of course, I have already done a masters before, so perhaps I see myself closer to a PhD student.

Most first year masters students are 23-24 years old only, and if what they did was graduating from high schools and their bachelor degree, that’s not a lot of life experience. Unlike business school, it is common that music majors just keep returning to school due to the lack of job opportunities. However, it’s so important to understand the world outside school! School is like a “safety net”, or even – an “ivory tower”! I have, indeed, gone out of schools between every degree as an alien, even during my high school years. Those years were never easy, these experience has helped me to grow and has harmed me deeply at the same time. Perhaps that’s why, I must confront myself that pursuing composition was no longer a sounded choice of life. I do not intend to overlook what people have decided to do, but the world crushes dreams; if that were to happen, the earlier the better. That’s why I challenge people sometimes, and might have portrayed myself as snobby.

But I am just a fool.

I came to the United States dreaming to become a composer, and have experienced abuse and despair due to my status. Then, with dumb luck, I have quickly become a piano technician, and could now see a much better future. My former abusive partner promised to support my very vulnerable career, then completely failed and made my life miserable. It was a tormenting year and I am still weary of it. To think positively, one could say that I have seen the worst, and have sympathy for the suffering. Now that I am in a more advantage position, I am actually motivated to make the same promise, and actually fulfilling that.

Yet, I somehow feel quite foolish for having this thought. As if, assuming I am superior.


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